
“He always wanted to clip the line and start over, but it soothed me to work on the line. To know that I could get out every knot and tangle in time. To know that the line might not be perfect afterwards, but it could be restored.”
My daughter brought me a kite out of storage the other day hoping to fly it. I took one look at the kite string and said to her, “You won’t be able to fly this when it’s all tangled up.”
Handing the spooled side to a friend to hold, I got to work on unwinding and unlooping the string. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about how I got a curious satisfaction from untangling things–necklaces, my daughter’s hair, it didn’t really matter what. Even if at times it appeared frustrating on the surface, deep down, it felt like a strangely sacred ritual.
I began talking to my friend as I worked, “I think I have a gift for untangling things,” I said. “I’m pretty sure I developed the patience for the skill when I was young. I loved fishing with my dad but wasn’t very good at it. About every third cast, I was more likely to catch a branch, rock, or pure air than a fish. He always wanted to clip the line and start over, but it soothed me to work on the line. To know that I could get out every knot and tangle in time. To know that the line might not be perfect afterwards, but it could be restored.”
I mused about how little it takes for a string of anything to get tangled. The wind blows and it swings around a little. It sits in storage alongside other strings. Really, it just exists in this world at all. And the resulting jumble is pretty amazing. Switchbacks and swirls. Spirals and loop de loops. It ends up looking like a labyrinth instead of a continuous line.
It hit me that our lives are a lot like this too. Our Present Self gets twisted and tangled by just living in this world. We aren’t always ready to meet the challenges we’re handed at the moment, especially when we’re young. And this is completely understandable. We’re still just learning. But if we don’t have someone wise and empathetic to help us process the experience, two things happen.
First, the body stores that experience as stuck energy (emotion) and form (thought) to be processed later. Second, if we suffer pain (trauma) resulting from our inability to meet the challenge, and we often do, we’re likely to create a future (aka imaginary) version of us that is different from our Present Self. This future self is often a dim version of our True Selves that we believe will be more loveable–more socially acceptable, tame, and self-protected. Neither past self nor future self are bad. They just aren’t real. Rather, they’re a defensive mechanism we created to survive the perceived danger of our lives.
Neither past self nor future self are bad. They just aren’t real. Rather, they’re a defensive mechanism we created to survive the perceived danger of our lives.
Now, when we encounter another moment similar to the unprocessed experience, it feels like we’re experiencing more than just Now and more than just Us. And that makes it really difficult to be present. Why? Because the line is all twisted up with other parts of the string. And from the perspective of where we are, it looks like there are many occurring simultaneously instead of just One. Many moments, many paths, many yous, all colliding.
We’ve shown up to the present moment carrying a suitcase full of the past and an idealistic (but false) construction of the future. Past us, future us, and Present Us have very different ideas of how to handle the situation, so it appears we’ve got a difficult decision to make. But past us and future us are arguing so loudly, we can’t even hear our true inner voice. Instead of seeing one clear choice in an infinite potential of creative choices (Present Self), we either see a few limited options and get stuck in thinking (future self) or no options at all and revert to reaction (past self).
Here’s a misunderstanding that I believe needs to be healed on our spiritual journey: Our highest self is not actually our future self. It’s our Present Self. Our Present Self is wise and empathetic and more than capable of dissolving the past and deconstructing the future. This is the Self you want to catch. This is the Self that can fly.
Our highest self is not actually our future self. It’s our Present Self. Our Present Self is wise and empathetic and more than capable of dissolving the past and deconstructing the future.
When I finally finished untangling the kite line, the realization hit home. Restored to its natural state, it was One—one string unfurling from a spool moment by present moment.
I know firsthand how easy it is to feel like we’re going in circles when we’re all tangled up. And that’s okay. Because the beautiful thing about spirals and switchbacks is not only that they make the path less steep. They also allow us to meet lost pieces of ourselves and others with ever increasing consciousness and love along the journey. They teach us to reach across the divide to the excluded and the marginalized and pull them forward. To give them an honored place in the present. To reclaim All for Love until we finally find our true place on the path unwinding.
The beautiful thing about spirals and switchbacks is not only that they make the path less steep. They also allow us to meet lost pieces of ourselves and others with ever increasing consciousness and love along the journey. They teach us to reach across the divide to the excluded and the marginalized and pull them forward. To give them an honored place in the present.
Eventually, I did get better at fishing. And slowly, I’m learning to fly. Here’s what I’ve learned. The trick to untangling strings is the same as for fishing, finesse, not force. If you pull and tug, the knots only tighten and become more stubborn. You must pay attention to where the line is leading and coax it back into its natural state. You must know where the tether is as well as the leading end. And it’s even better, I’ve found, if the tether is a friend and the leading end has some weight to it. Grounded and real. Here and filled with hope. This is what lifts us off the ground–both individually and collectively.
The trick to untangling strings is the same as for fishing, finesse, not force. You must pay attention to where the line is leading and coax it back into its natural state. Make the tether a friend and put weight on the leading end.
So whether you’re fishing for the True Self or hoping to watch Her fly, go slow and offer friendship. Build community and leave no one behind. Have patience and save the original. Deep inside, you already know the truth: you can’t be in two places at once, there’s only one choice (the path of Love), and there’s only one you. One Present, One Path, One You. Realizing this is the greatest gift you’ll ever receive.