We have the choice to write a new future by meeting ourselves now.
You’re only stuck when you don’t realize you’re the one holding the pen.
“If you’re stuck in your story and want to get out, you don’t have to cry; you don’t have to shout, cause if you’re little you can do a lot. You mustn’t let a little thing like little stop you.” -Tim Minchin, Naughty from Matilda
“Life is your birthright, they hid that in the fine print. Take the pen and rewrite it.” -Akil King et al., BIGGER
On my morning run, I was chatting with a friend about writing. I’d recently read a bit of wisdom on the topic that had really resonated: We often write ahead of where we are. We write where we want to be. Sadly, I couldn’t find this again to credit the source, so we’ll just give credit to the One source—Love! But the words rang deeply true for me.
Often, when I write from a place of inspiration, I don’t fully understand the depth of the content or am not able to fully live it yet. Sometimes for months. And in the past, even years. The time window appears to narrow only with practice listening to what my inner self is trying to tell me through writing. My friend then wisely suggested, “Maybe, we meet ourselves first where we’re at, and then, we write where we want to be.”
When I got home later, I entered the full swing of the morning hustle. And for our family, nothing provides the opportunity for our habits and conditioning to bump into each other’s quite like the morning (or evening) routine of getting ready for school and work.
Progress and timeliness are king for my husband. And to his credit, this cycle of forward energy has been a huge gift in his life and the lives of many others. But it’s been a challenge when you add in factors that are totally out of his control. Say for example, a wife and daughter who’s morning style is… let’s say, dreamy.
In our house, forceful energy plus soul flow equals resistance and eventually functional freeze for our daughter. Basically, it doesn’t matter how badly she wants to be on time to school or how many time checks you give her. At some point, she’s like a swirling eddy. She’s moving but not really going anywhere. I have compassion for her because I’ve lived it myself many times (often with writing!).
I could see the old cycle building. The frustration. The beginning of panicked, dysregulated communication from my daughter. I said, “Let’s pause.”
My daughter didn’t want to pause. My husband didn’t want to pause. That old energy wanted to repeat it’s cycle. The forcing and the resisting. The heat building as a natural result of that friction. It was going to take some strength to disrupt this.
I tried again, “Look, we have a choice. We know the old way doesn’t work. What do we have to lose by trying something different?”
“We have everything to lose!” my daughter shouted. And in a way, she was right. The small part of us thinks we ARE the cycle, that we ARE that energy. And that small part did have something to lose. It’s just we don’t realize that this “little me” loss is making room for a much “bigger me” gain.
My friend’s words from earlier that morning echoed in my mind. We have the choice to write a new future by meeting ourselves in the NOW.
I knew where we had to start. In the now. Thankfully, everyone agreed to sit down and breathe. To just feel frustrated for a second. Then, we could admit that we already knew the ending of this particular story, and no one much liked it the way it was currently written.
Only from here could we imagine writing a new ending to this little song in our life. A melody where our family sang in harmony rather than dissonance. With a nod to Mary Poppins, we invited the fun. We all became my daughter’s sous-chefs and butlers and let her command the team that made her lunch, packed her bag, and cheered her out the door.
I don’t know how it will turn out next time. I guess that’s part of the adventure. But it felt wonderful to realize who really held the pen, and to empower my daughter by putting it in her hands. To tell her, this time, write it forward.
You’re only stuck when you don’t realize you’re the one holding the pen. Pick it up and know that you get to write the ending this time. It doesn’t matter what you write. Just try something new. What will you imagine?